Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
