just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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