I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So much rum. So many feels.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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