i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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