There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
