wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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