the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
