just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
