I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
