she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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