i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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