if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
