More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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