weddingsv make me drug and hornr
wanna go halves on a baby?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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