I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
