ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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