Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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