The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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