i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
