6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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