He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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