Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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