i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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