What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
