We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
