He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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