I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I understand Curling. That high.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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