The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
