We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
