Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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