I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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