I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
