Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
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I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
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I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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