He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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