I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
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Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just pee around me
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i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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