i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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