That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
