Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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