the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
