I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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