my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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