How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
