she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
