I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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