at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
