I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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