the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
