and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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