i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
