Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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