The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
