with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
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I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
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Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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