how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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