I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
