we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
