I was born with a shot glass in my hand
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
