Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
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That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
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Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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