She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life