mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP