the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real