she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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