she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
