I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
