Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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