i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
