i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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